I'm definitely still searching...

do u wanna be a poet and write
do u wanna be an actor up in light
do u wanna be soldier and fight for love
do u wanna travel the world
do u wanna be a diver for pearls
or climb a mountain and touch the cloubs above

be anyone u want to be
bring to life your fantasies

~tina arena

These are questions i cant answer. Wat DO i wanna be?
Wish me luck for friday...

Love,
the commitment phobe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

why cant i stop thinking abt dem?
its not as if i hav nothin better to do
its not as if my life is so mundane
its not as if their life is more exciting
its not as if i dont hav wat dey hav
its not as if, i'm unfortunate compared to dem
no,
so why do dey occupy my thoughts so much?

i noe
i'm jealous n it sucks
i shd not b jealous
i hate thinking of dem so often
thinking of dem makes me negative
negative abt me
negative abt u

so stop thinking abt dem!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

these past weeks
i've had so much goin on in my head
things dat i dont wanna speak abt
juz so i'll believe dey dont exist
but who am i kidding
its der bugging
my every moment of consciousness

i dont wanna compare
but i compare in my head
i juz refuse to verbalize it
i'm afraid
so i dont verbalize my comparison
i keep my troubles in d closet
dats y i hav a 12-door wardrobe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Childrens' day celebration on friday...
its d day we come as cartoon or movie characters
i'm comin as princess jasmine fr aladdin!
so exciting
all d costumes' home-made, zero-dollar outfit!

these r d things i wont hav d opportunity to do
if i chose engineering as a career path...........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she kissed me on d cheeks today
even after i scolded her
wat did i do to deserve such affection?

i love d kids
i really do
but is dis my calling
i still dont know

if this is my calling
den i need a clearer sign
n i hope
d commitment phobe in me is not resisting it
give me a sign
a big one!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
late night rants of d turmoil-ed mind

p.s. Happy 3years n 7months.....